Fresh Eyes Goggles

After I'd sent my first ten pages to my beta readers, I looked back to see what my manuscript looked like.
Had I sent them good stuff?
I was ready to be amazed, but got something much different!
Upon looking back into my words, I saw MANY things that I'd not seen before.
I saw the BORING backstory that I H-A-T-E with a passion!  (So much so that I put down a Danielle Steele novel over it.)
The first button I hit? DELETE...without looking back, baby.

I've heard it said that you should look at something with fresh eyes, and I didn't really understand that till I took myself out of the story, and really read the words.

Upon receiving the critique from my betas, I learned from "new eyes goggles" that the scene I deleted seemed like a breakup scene-it wasn't (it introduced one of the MC's! :o()
The other beta said she thought it was a continuation (a scene happening outside of the MC that had already been moved away from)-UGH!
I emailed the ten pages to her, and appologized profusely for the second scene.


What techniques are best to get your "fresh eyes goggles" on?

Affirmation

Just recently, I posted a blog about being afraid I wasn't good enough.
Well, I had a friend beta read my first 10 pages, and SHE GOT SICK!
HA!
Her and her husband were ordering food, and she felt nauseated! (NO not because the pages were bad, because the character had just found her husband cheating, and was really upset!)
I can't explain to you the feelings I had when I realized she connected with my character :p
I've been so afraid and worried that I wasn't good enough at showing (not telling) people what they were doing and seeing.
As nervous as I was to show someone else my 'baby', it paid off.

I'm so thankful that God's working through me and teaching me so many things about people, and giving me stories to tell.

Please pray for me as I jump into edits, like BIG edits!
Even to the point of changing my point of view and one of the characters' personality traits.
So, please keep me in your prayers.
Thanks SO SO  SO much to my dear friend for helping me!

What's it to ya?

It occured to me the other day, as I was ashamed to raise my hands in a praise song (shallow?  I felt as though I was), that I didn't really want to draw attention to myself, and I still feel that way. 

Please, if you have another opinion, share it with me!  I'm really sad that I can't just raise my hands in praise for fear of drawing attention to myself (I don't feel that way when other people do it, but I feel that way about myself)!

Instead, I bow my head and pray as I'm praising, or make an 'audience of one' for myself instead of showing outwardly what's going on  inside.  ( I DO NOT feel this way about other people!  Just sayin' this is how I feel deep inside) 

But then I heard it said today in a lesson by Pete Briscoe that if you worship outwardly, your spirit follows.  As I've felt lately, if I worship inwardly, outward worship is a reflection...but I'm thoroughly confused now. lol

But then I thought about the things I do on a daily basis.
I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink.
If I lie, I feel terrible and have to spill about the truth quickly or I'll be eaten up with regret and guilt.
If I see something not right, morally, (i.e. hiding evidence while something's going on in the background with the police and we're assumed innocent) I can't stand it, and WILL walk away...

And then I get the looks and comments of:  "Goody two-shoes"  and "Holier than thou" attitudes.

WHAT'S IT TO YA!?
Who said I was doing it for you?!


I'm staying morally strong for in my relationship with GOD!
I don't want to feel that guilt, that gut-twisting, heart-palpitating, uncomfortable guilt!
I kinda wanna stay away from it!  And I want my relationship with God to stay clean,  not rocky.


But why can't I feel as though that's what's going on with my worship?  Why can' t I block out the attention I'd be getting, (which I know, if someone lifts up their hands in worhsip, I look and then turn away cause I KNOW it's between them and God!  Why I think it's different, I'll never know!)
Am I being shallow?  Is this just how I worship?  Maybe so.  This hurts to say, but am I focusing on 'them' instead of God?
What's your thoughts?

Sorry for the rant, but I'm a little peeved about it right now.  No particular reason except that I'm just confued I suppose.

Time to Re-write!

Ever since I was a kid, I've loved to write.
But honestly, I've never really finished a story.  It all became too hard. BUT!!!
I FINISHED THE ONE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON!! Finally.  I've had so much trouble finishing this manuscript, mostly because I've actually never finished one, I suppose.

However, everything felt a little dry, and it was, but now it time to fix it!
I've heard it said that you don't write a book, you rewrite it.
And, that you can't fix a blank page.
It's true, lol
I've begun the revision process, and I'm only on page 2!  I see LOTS AND LOTS of things to change.
Things that will make it much, much better, and lead the story where I want it go go a little more smoothly.

To the people who prompted me to stick it out: Thanks.
I really appreciate your help.
I see now what you were talking about.  Get the story down, then get to rewriting.
Without you, this would have been another unfinished piece.


If I'm really honest, this isn't my best work.  Lord willing, if I can finish this one, I can finish the next one!

What if I'm not good enough?

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not good enough for writing.
Then again, I go back to what I heard Lori Wilde say in one of her lessons on Ed2go.com.
To pretty much sum it up, she said it's not all about talent, you've gotta have commitment and drive.

I love to write, there's no question about that!
But, last night as I was laying my head down to sleep, I wondered, What if this never happens and I'm wasting my time?
I had that gut-kicking, sinking feeling inside the pit of my stomach.
No!  I thought.  I refuse to believe that!  I love this way too much for it to be a hobby!
Is that determination coming out?  Or is that stubbornness?
I mean...what if I'm never published?


There's some GREAT books out there!  That's my cometition!  Those books are also, ironically, my text books, my lessons and research. 

What if my writing is too stale?
What if it's never going to improve no matter how much I try to make it better?


I read a book lately by Danielle Steele, okay, so I read like the first chapter before I threw it into the yardsale stuff.
I coudln't stand her first 30 or more pages.  It was all boring backstory..and I mean BORING backstory, and I never could get out of the annoyed attitude.
Mark one book down for the 'no' list.

What if my writing is that boring?
I only picked up the book cause I like DS and I liked the cover and blurb....
What if that's as far as my story goes?
No one is going to pick up a book by some random person and read something after the first few pages that is too boring!

Nevermind the public for heavens sake!  What about an agent?!

Maaaaaan!
I'm so frustrated.
But there's one thing for sure...
These feelings will NEVER keep me from writing.

How do you focus?

I find it extremely hard to focus on all my tasks at work without letting my characters creep back in the forefront!
The kids and the hubbs are great.  I love vegging out with them, and being with them.

But when it comes to work...it seems as though I'll be staring at the computer wondering what my charachters will do next, trying to imagine them speaking to me, I pray hard for God to show me where they should go. It's almost like I've entered a world, and when I have to think, and don't feel like doing somthing, my mind reverts back to my word-filled laptop screen, instead of the fincnace program I'm supposed to be UTILIZING at WORK where I get PAID!!!!

I feel like I'm so close to something!  I feel God pulling me toward something and if I can juuuust close my eyes and listen for just a few minutes....Wait, what am I doing again?  Where was I?  Oh right, work...here we go...
Five minutes later, it's the same thing!

I'll have to shake myself out of my thoughts and refocus on what I'm supposd to be doing! 


How do you keep the job from interfering with the JOB?
Help, help, help!
Am I just lazy?  Do I find more pleasure in writing?  OF COURSE!
But maybe I need to really focus on what's important at the time and really get into it just because I should do all things as if working for the Lord, since, ya know?  As a Christian, that's EXACTLY what I'm doing.

So how do you do it?

American Cancer Society

A very dear, sweet, amazing friend of mine passed away this morning from cancer.

She's battled it for quite some time, but just recently, things went down.
A terrible spiral to watch.
 
A few months ago, my cousin and I went through the Couch to 5K running program in hopes to finish a 5k.
There was no charities to run for, so we joined the Relay for Life in our county. 
Our inspiration, each time we thought we couldn't continue was "Wanda, Wanda Wanda"  Over and over.
My cousin, Ali's friend Holly, the picture of health (has ran several races and triathalons of her own) has cancer, we prayed/used her as our inspiration too. 
Each time our legs burned, ached or even when we felt as though we coudn't make it, or take another step, we rememebered why we did it.

Our reason for Relay was Holly and Wanda.
Wanda is in a much better place now, but we'll miss her terribly.

"The world's a lot dimmer since she's gone, but Heaven's a lot brighter"-Ali

Please pray for her family.  She mothered her granddaughter, and now she's gone. 
Pray especially for this young teenager who needs !!NEEDS!! God's guidance.
Pray for us as her youth leaders as well.
Thank you

The American Cancer Society.
They are working hard to find a cure.
Please support them in their endeavors. 
Support millions of peole with cancer and their loved ones.
Please go to http://www.cancer.org/ and donate to the cause.
Thank you for your support