A Time of Silence

I've read several good posts today about the waiting and listening process we writers must encounter in order to have conflicts solved, spend time with our Savior and learn about ourselves.

I have lately been writing in the early hours of the day.

Well, this week, we're doing VBS from 6-9pm. which means we get back to our house at about 10pm.  No baths for the kids or nighttime routines have been done by 10 PM!!!!

Yesterday morning, I prayed as usual to receive guidance from God on what to write and where to take my story, but when I sat down to the computer, half-blank screen staring at me, blinking cursor mocking me, I just sat there, and did nothing.

I had 30 minutes alone in front of that computer, and nothing came out.  I just stared at it, unable to do anything, blank.  Nothing. Zilch, Nada.

I could have been frustrated, but instead, I picked up my VBS book and studied my lesson.

I'm co-teaching the youth this year, which is where my heart is, but I don't usually teach, I'm not comfortable teaching that age group.  I suppose I'm used to teaching 3yr olds, and 3yr olds are so animated when they listen to stories, youth just kinda...stare at you.

However, despite recent crappy teaching sessions, where the only thing anyone ever learned was that I'm a terrible youth teacher, I taught a class yesterday...and LOVED it!

I was more animated with them, and held onto my thoughts, kept pushing toward the mark, and I know yesterday morning when I couldn't write a sinlge word on that computer, God was beckoning me toward that lesson.

The extra time I had preparing for it, and preparing MYSELF for it by focusing and BEING with God is what focused me on LETTING God teach that lesson through me.

I believe I'm entering a time of silence in my writing, at least for this week while VBS insues.  After this, I look forward to spending that 5am hour on writing...and I know God's gonna give it to me, cause when He wasn't there, N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

This time of Him not breathing through me shows me that He's really there when something is left on the screen after 60 minutes pass.

Please pray for our VBS this week, and pray that through us someone will see Christ.

What are your prayer requests for this week?

Write What Hurts

Lately, I've been finding it hard to move past the simple daily tasks:
Brush teeth,
Get kids ready
Work for 10 hours
Get kids home
Softball?
Church?
Bed
Do it again the next day.

But, thank God I'm a Christian, I don't know how the other half of the population survives w/o Christ in their hearts.
I have to confess this:
One morning, I awoke to my dastardly alarm clock.  I shut if off, quite forcefully, and went back to bed.
That's not the bad part...that's the mild part.
I HEARD my Savior calling to me. I literally HEARD Him.
What happened?
I was already lost in sleep.
Yeah...ouch.
Can you imagine the special time we could have had?!


But what did He offer when I woke up alert at six, saddened by my mistake?
Joy.
Yes.  That Joy Unspeakable.
I love my Savior.  If you don't know Him, ask me, but what a JOY!
..."They will soar on wings like eagles"
I was happy to read that.
Despite the energy sapping days I have, I can STILL have joy.
Amazing.
Purely Amazing.

..."but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

As a runner, I GET the not grow weary part, walk and not faint...if you're in Florida, you'd better have a gallon o' wata waiting at the end of your run!

...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength...
I just can't get over it.
Praise God He's so...Complete.
I've got joy again.
It's hard to hang on to it...but I just keep repeating those words over and over and over again.  I CAN hope.  I have all the tools I NEED to hope.  the LORD will renew my strength.  Not just sleep, not circumstances, not excitement for things on earth...only God can do it *write* :D

Now, on to the day's post...lol.  It's not long, I promise.  We done had church, so not much more can be said! lol

Not in a million years did I think I could write so passionately again.
I love it.
However, I've been afraid of my work in progress.
Why?
Becuase it's a scary subject.
One that has been battled for years.
In a nutshell, it's about abortion, and in some smaller light, government.

How do you find the courage to write what hurts?

Note:
Check these out.  They're great posts!

http://emergingnotemergency.blogspot.com/
http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2010/06/risky-gift.html
http://seekerville.blogspot.com/2010/06/courage.html

I, She, Which One?

I recently finished my first draft of my first acutal complete manuscript!
There are tons of kinks to work out still. 
But while I'm taking a breather, my new work in progress is...confusing.

I was looking at my new WIP, and was boggled at the long process that lies ahead.
I'm thinking of changing the point of view, and I'm not even past chapter 10! (short chapters)
I've heard that most romances are in 3rd person, which btw, I just read one in first, and LOVED it!

So anyway, it's in third POV, and I find myself having to edit when I pop back into first person POV.

What are your favorite points of view?
Do you have a standard?


Is this how we find our voice?  If so, what's yours?

Character Emotion

A few weeks ago, I read a blog about the author getting emotiaonal over their character.

I have to say, I've felt sad at my character's situation, but not until today, my very first ever "nothing but writing" day (I'm on my lunch break lol), have I really experienced my character's emotions.

The first chapter (short backstory) made me cry like a baby!

I was so sad for my character, but thrilled to be feeling such emotion for her!
It was a strange range of emotions! 
But I was very thankful for them.
I've already conencted with my character, I hope it will continue throughout the story, and that she will connect with the readers.

What I did differently than before:
1. character worksheet. 
   -I completed an in depth evaluation sheet of the person: eye color, skills, etc.
2. I have been dwelling on this story for months in the background.
   -A friend of mine came up with the original idea, and we've been tweaking this for quite some time.

I had to share that good news!

What are some milestones you've accomplished in your writing, insignificant or significant?

Fresh Eyes Goggles

After I'd sent my first ten pages to my beta readers, I looked back to see what my manuscript looked like.
Had I sent them good stuff?
I was ready to be amazed, but got something much different!
Upon looking back into my words, I saw MANY things that I'd not seen before.
I saw the BORING backstory that I H-A-T-E with a passion!  (So much so that I put down a Danielle Steele novel over it.)
The first button I hit? DELETE...without looking back, baby.

I've heard it said that you should look at something with fresh eyes, and I didn't really understand that till I took myself out of the story, and really read the words.

Upon receiving the critique from my betas, I learned from "new eyes goggles" that the scene I deleted seemed like a breakup scene-it wasn't (it introduced one of the MC's! :o()
The other beta said she thought it was a continuation (a scene happening outside of the MC that had already been moved away from)-UGH!
I emailed the ten pages to her, and appologized profusely for the second scene.


What techniques are best to get your "fresh eyes goggles" on?

What's it to ya?

It occured to me the other day, as I was ashamed to raise my hands in a praise song (shallow?  I felt as though I was), that I didn't really want to draw attention to myself, and I still feel that way. 

Please, if you have another opinion, share it with me!  I'm really sad that I can't just raise my hands in praise for fear of drawing attention to myself (I don't feel that way when other people do it, but I feel that way about myself)!

Instead, I bow my head and pray as I'm praising, or make an 'audience of one' for myself instead of showing outwardly what's going on  inside.  ( I DO NOT feel this way about other people!  Just sayin' this is how I feel deep inside) 

But then I heard it said today in a lesson by Pete Briscoe that if you worship outwardly, your spirit follows.  As I've felt lately, if I worship inwardly, outward worship is a reflection...but I'm thoroughly confused now. lol

But then I thought about the things I do on a daily basis.
I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink.
If I lie, I feel terrible and have to spill about the truth quickly or I'll be eaten up with regret and guilt.
If I see something not right, morally, (i.e. hiding evidence while something's going on in the background with the police and we're assumed innocent) I can't stand it, and WILL walk away...

And then I get the looks and comments of:  "Goody two-shoes"  and "Holier than thou" attitudes.

WHAT'S IT TO YA!?
Who said I was doing it for you?!


I'm staying morally strong for in my relationship with GOD!
I don't want to feel that guilt, that gut-twisting, heart-palpitating, uncomfortable guilt!
I kinda wanna stay away from it!  And I want my relationship with God to stay clean,  not rocky.


But why can't I feel as though that's what's going on with my worship?  Why can' t I block out the attention I'd be getting, (which I know, if someone lifts up their hands in worhsip, I look and then turn away cause I KNOW it's between them and God!  Why I think it's different, I'll never know!)
Am I being shallow?  Is this just how I worship?  Maybe so.  This hurts to say, but am I focusing on 'them' instead of God?
What's your thoughts?

Sorry for the rant, but I'm a little peeved about it right now.  No particular reason except that I'm just confued I suppose.

What if I'm not good enough?

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not good enough for writing.
Then again, I go back to what I heard Lori Wilde say in one of her lessons on Ed2go.com.
To pretty much sum it up, she said it's not all about talent, you've gotta have commitment and drive.

I love to write, there's no question about that!
But, last night as I was laying my head down to sleep, I wondered, What if this never happens and I'm wasting my time?
I had that gut-kicking, sinking feeling inside the pit of my stomach.
No!  I thought.  I refuse to believe that!  I love this way too much for it to be a hobby!
Is that determination coming out?  Or is that stubbornness?
I mean...what if I'm never published?


There's some GREAT books out there!  That's my cometition!  Those books are also, ironically, my text books, my lessons and research. 

What if my writing is too stale?
What if it's never going to improve no matter how much I try to make it better?


I read a book lately by Danielle Steele, okay, so I read like the first chapter before I threw it into the yardsale stuff.
I coudln't stand her first 30 or more pages.  It was all boring backstory..and I mean BORING backstory, and I never could get out of the annoyed attitude.
Mark one book down for the 'no' list.

What if my writing is that boring?
I only picked up the book cause I like DS and I liked the cover and blurb....
What if that's as far as my story goes?
No one is going to pick up a book by some random person and read something after the first few pages that is too boring!

Nevermind the public for heavens sake!  What about an agent?!

Maaaaaan!
I'm so frustrated.
But there's one thing for sure...
These feelings will NEVER keep me from writing.