What's it to ya?

It occured to me the other day, as I was ashamed to raise my hands in a praise song (shallow?  I felt as though I was), that I didn't really want to draw attention to myself, and I still feel that way. 

Please, if you have another opinion, share it with me!  I'm really sad that I can't just raise my hands in praise for fear of drawing attention to myself (I don't feel that way when other people do it, but I feel that way about myself)!

Instead, I bow my head and pray as I'm praising, or make an 'audience of one' for myself instead of showing outwardly what's going on  inside.  ( I DO NOT feel this way about other people!  Just sayin' this is how I feel deep inside) 

But then I heard it said today in a lesson by Pete Briscoe that if you worship outwardly, your spirit follows.  As I've felt lately, if I worship inwardly, outward worship is a reflection...but I'm thoroughly confused now. lol

But then I thought about the things I do on a daily basis.
I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink.
If I lie, I feel terrible and have to spill about the truth quickly or I'll be eaten up with regret and guilt.
If I see something not right, morally, (i.e. hiding evidence while something's going on in the background with the police and we're assumed innocent) I can't stand it, and WILL walk away...

And then I get the looks and comments of:  "Goody two-shoes"  and "Holier than thou" attitudes.

WHAT'S IT TO YA!?
Who said I was doing it for you?!


I'm staying morally strong for in my relationship with GOD!
I don't want to feel that guilt, that gut-twisting, heart-palpitating, uncomfortable guilt!
I kinda wanna stay away from it!  And I want my relationship with God to stay clean,  not rocky.


But why can't I feel as though that's what's going on with my worship?  Why can' t I block out the attention I'd be getting, (which I know, if someone lifts up their hands in worhsip, I look and then turn away cause I KNOW it's between them and God!  Why I think it's different, I'll never know!)
Am I being shallow?  Is this just how I worship?  Maybe so.  This hurts to say, but am I focusing on 'them' instead of God?
What's your thoughts?

Sorry for the rant, but I'm a little peeved about it right now.  No particular reason except that I'm just confued I suppose.

Can He even hear me?!

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26



Read that again….


If you’re like me, this verse has been hiding in the Bible for as long as I’ve been able to read! I’ve never seen this verse before, and lately, I’ve read or heard it more than once.


I get the same chill down my spine and pep in my step each time I hear it.


However, the logical side of me wonders what’s coming.


Have you ever just wondered from where the next trial will come? What will it be? Who will it be? Why? When? You’re not alone, that’s for sure.


A friend of mine posed the question: “How do we prepare?”


So how do we?


I think back to when I was a kid, every question like that could be answered with: Pray, and Read your Bible.


That’s it! That’s the right answer again!  In his book, Every Day with Jesus; The Full Armor of God, Selwyn Hughes says this:


“As I have been saying, the spiritual application of the helmet of salvation is not so much the enjoyment of our present salvation (though it includes that) as it is the assurance that a sure salvation is coming-and is even now at work”


God does work out our lives according to His purpose!  But what if that plan includes us or someone we love suffers from depression, drug addiction, affairs, child loss?


What about then?


Those prayers where all you do is sit in the presence of God and cry? Those utterances of your heart, God hears those.


How?


It’s heard through the Spirit that’s in us. I recall in the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, that he mentioned that God isn’t a God that is sitting back waiting for our sacrifice and a job well done. He’s with us, in us, and hurting with the ones He loves.


Those times when all you can do is take one last step, one last word, even if you can’t get that far, He hears that ache, that groan, that whisper of His name.


I’ve had such confusing times and painful moments in my life (as we all have) and sometimes I could only look up to the dark sky and hold my hands out, or fists, and say ‘why?’…okay, so it was more like…”WHY?!”


I had no idea how to pray, or how to respond!


He heard that. But most important, He heard the uttering in my heart below the confused and angry surface. He heard me. And the best part, just as one best friend to another, there were no words needed.


Get to your Bible. Prepare for that hardship. Draw close to Him. Prepare for that next hurdle. Focus on His Words to us, soak them in and learn from them. Brand them to the fabric of your heart. And next time Satan comes around, throwing darts, you’ve got that hope of Salvation.


You’ve got the hope that God WILL come through in the end. And he’s going to be with you in that circumstance, and He’s going to be fighting with you, and picking you up, even if it’s to hide you away while He continues fighting! There’s no doubt, you’ll be safe. And the best part is you’ll be heard. Because He hears exactly what your mouth can’t say.






Remember Him today, and thank Him for what He’s already done for you. Thank Him for what He’s already worked out, and heard from the ‘bottom of your heart’.