Disappointment

When we hear news that breaks our hearts, where do we turn?

Sunday night, I wanted to turn to anger.
What would that have solved?

Nothing, in fact, it would have created many more problems, like a law suit for starters.

However, now that I'm in a position of authrity, I had to seriously reconsider my feelings.

I began to realize, this person is no different than me.
I was once in their shoes.

What right do I have to judge?
I've been forgiven of each and every sin in my past, they can be too.
Especially by me who should understand more than anyone.

So I turned to love.  Not my love, but Christ's love.

How did the people I disappoint feel so many years ago when I wound up in those same shoes?
Probably the same as I do now.
But they too showed me love.

I was so at home with my church family, after feeling their love and acceptance, I was able to move on.
However, at the slightest judgement, I wanted to run.  Far and fast.

But they didn't judge me.  They loved me.

When someone disappoints us, our first reaction may be to get angry, it may be to take them by the shoulders and pin them against the wall and say, "Look at me!! Look at where I was!   DO NOT GO THERE!!!!"
But by the love and compassion we've been shown by the One who created us, we realize we are, by the grace of that Creator, not in the same shoes, and thus, the love overflows...
and in some ways, when the love overflows, the feelings of pain and hurt become worse.

We're vulnerable again.

Once we've been burned, we want to close it off, and then what happens when we open up again?
Disappointment.


But then I looked at their life.
It's falling apart.
They're grasping at whever makes sense right now.
And right now...
it's what could really hurt them.

I ache for them right now.
But I'm just a leader in their church.
I'm not the parent...and if I was, you'd bet they'd be pinned...

But I'm not.
I've still got my little boys to think about.
I've still got my family who needs me to be all I can be and not dwell on this.

So now I can only hope.

WHAT?!!!
THATS IT??!!!!

THATS ALL I GOT?!

Surely with the relationship we've had, with the authority I've got....

No.
That's it.

BULL!!!!

Sorry, Kel.  Nothing you can do.


YOU'RE WRONG!

Sorry.

I'm going to DO something.
I'm going to be on my FACE for her...and ask God what to TALK about with her...
SHE. CAN. SILL. BE. RESCUED.

I DONT BELIEVE YOU.
THIS STUPID POLICITALLY CORRECT VOICE IN MY HEAD...
I'm going to do all I can for the people I love...and she's one of them.

Q4u:
In a situation that involved someone else...did you do what you could or did you look away?

Book Club

Okay, I'm praying about joining the ACFW Book Club.

I love the Statement of Faith they have on their application.
It's 50.00 to join and 40.00 anually after that.
Not much considering all I'd get from them.

Friends, better conference pricing, classes, all that good...okay...GREAT stuff...but I only have so much monay I put into my writing envelope for writing expenses (per week).

Back at Christmas, I bought about ten books with a deal Christianbook.com had going.  I gave away two or three for my Secret Sister, and kept several for myself.  I'm still reading them, so I'm not going to purchase books anytime soon with this money, but...should I do this?

I feel like a book club is a big responsibility, one that I don't want to take lightly.

I've got the money reserved for writing expense...
I'm still seeking out God's wisdom
I believe He's given me you ladies/gents and our writerly connections for a reason, so I'm asking your opinions as well.

Q's4U:

What would you do, given the opportunity?
What have you done about it?
Are book clubs really worth the expense?
Do you find that you are growing due to the expense and responsibility?

Write This Way...

I. Love. Writing.
I love it.
As tired and as overwhelmed as it can get (you writers know what I mean), I love it.
Why else would we write...it's not an easy task, and the paycheck...?

However, I have a secret weapon...and no, it's not spell check.

My secret weapon is this:
I've got God.

My characters seem to speak to me, but I know Who it really is.  I have these ideas, but I know Who's they really are.  I have words on a blank screen, I know Where they're really from. 

They're not mine.
I've asked God to take this book, this incredible book that's been placed on my lap via a great, long time, trusted, loving caring, dear friend of mine. 
It's way bigger than me.  Way bigger.
I'm writing about hard stuff, and He's where I get my strength.

Each morning, before I sit down to write, I journal.  I ask God to lead my words, thoughts, phrases etc and mold it into what He'd have it to be (well, as far as first drafts are concerned)

I've been given a great critique partner.
We found each other in college, but now we're actually close, and I love her.  She's amazing.
God. Is. Working.

I have this idea that isn't mine, but I'm doing my best to make it God's, and He's answering back.
Each time there are words on my screen, I hear from Him.
My form of worship is writing.
I'm writing for me, and for God.  That's our time.
It's sacred, special, perfect. 
Okay, so not perfect, my other weapon is the backspace key...

But still, I know where the inspiration comes from, and I love tapping into that inspiration and finding how much God loves me through what He has me write.

The Bible may be the Greatest Love Letter ever written,
But my little notes from God are super special to me.

p.s. Sorry it's been so long, dear faithful followers, I love you mcuh.

How do you look at writing?
Is it worship?  Release?  Comfort?
What drives you in what you do?
Why do you love this so much?

Write What Hurts

Lately, I've been finding it hard to move past the simple daily tasks:
Brush teeth,
Get kids ready
Work for 10 hours
Get kids home
Softball?
Church?
Bed
Do it again the next day.

But, thank God I'm a Christian, I don't know how the other half of the population survives w/o Christ in their hearts.
I have to confess this:
One morning, I awoke to my dastardly alarm clock.  I shut if off, quite forcefully, and went back to bed.
That's not the bad part...that's the mild part.
I HEARD my Savior calling to me. I literally HEARD Him.
What happened?
I was already lost in sleep.
Yeah...ouch.
Can you imagine the special time we could have had?!


But what did He offer when I woke up alert at six, saddened by my mistake?
Joy.
Yes.  That Joy Unspeakable.
I love my Savior.  If you don't know Him, ask me, but what a JOY!
..."They will soar on wings like eagles"
I was happy to read that.
Despite the energy sapping days I have, I can STILL have joy.
Amazing.
Purely Amazing.

..."but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

As a runner, I GET the not grow weary part, walk and not faint...if you're in Florida, you'd better have a gallon o' wata waiting at the end of your run!

...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength...
I just can't get over it.
Praise God He's so...Complete.
I've got joy again.
It's hard to hang on to it...but I just keep repeating those words over and over and over again.  I CAN hope.  I have all the tools I NEED to hope.  the LORD will renew my strength.  Not just sleep, not circumstances, not excitement for things on earth...only God can do it *write* :D

Now, on to the day's post...lol.  It's not long, I promise.  We done had church, so not much more can be said! lol

Not in a million years did I think I could write so passionately again.
I love it.
However, I've been afraid of my work in progress.
Why?
Becuase it's a scary subject.
One that has been battled for years.
In a nutshell, it's about abortion, and in some smaller light, government.

How do you find the courage to write what hurts?

Note:
Check these out.  They're great posts!

http://emergingnotemergency.blogspot.com/
http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2010/06/risky-gift.html
http://seekerville.blogspot.com/2010/06/courage.html

What if I'm not good enough?

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not good enough for writing.
Then again, I go back to what I heard Lori Wilde say in one of her lessons on Ed2go.com.
To pretty much sum it up, she said it's not all about talent, you've gotta have commitment and drive.

I love to write, there's no question about that!
But, last night as I was laying my head down to sleep, I wondered, What if this never happens and I'm wasting my time?
I had that gut-kicking, sinking feeling inside the pit of my stomach.
No!  I thought.  I refuse to believe that!  I love this way too much for it to be a hobby!
Is that determination coming out?  Or is that stubbornness?
I mean...what if I'm never published?


There's some GREAT books out there!  That's my cometition!  Those books are also, ironically, my text books, my lessons and research. 

What if my writing is too stale?
What if it's never going to improve no matter how much I try to make it better?


I read a book lately by Danielle Steele, okay, so I read like the first chapter before I threw it into the yardsale stuff.
I coudln't stand her first 30 or more pages.  It was all boring backstory..and I mean BORING backstory, and I never could get out of the annoyed attitude.
Mark one book down for the 'no' list.

What if my writing is that boring?
I only picked up the book cause I like DS and I liked the cover and blurb....
What if that's as far as my story goes?
No one is going to pick up a book by some random person and read something after the first few pages that is too boring!

Nevermind the public for heavens sake!  What about an agent?!

Maaaaaan!
I'm so frustrated.
But there's one thing for sure...
These feelings will NEVER keep me from writing.