It occured to me the other day, as I was ashamed to raise my hands in a praise song (shallow? I felt as though I was), that I didn't really want to draw attention to myself, and I still feel that way.
Please, if you have another opinion, share it with me! I'm really sad that I can't just raise my hands in praise for fear of drawing attention to myself (I don't feel that way when other people do it, but I feel that way about myself)!
Instead, I bow my head and pray as I'm praising, or make an 'audience of one' for myself instead of showing outwardly what's going on inside. ( I DO NOT feel this way about other people! Just sayin' this is how I feel deep inside)
But then I heard it said today in a lesson by Pete Briscoe that if you worship outwardly, your spirit follows. As I've felt lately, if I worship inwardly, outward worship is a reflection...but I'm thoroughly confused now. lol
But then I thought about the things I do on a daily basis.
I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink.
If I lie, I feel terrible and have to spill about the truth quickly or I'll be eaten up with regret and guilt.
If I see something not right, morally, (i.e. hiding evidence while something's going on in the background with the police and we're assumed innocent) I can't stand it, and WILL walk away...
And then I get the looks and comments of: "Goody two-shoes" and "Holier than thou" attitudes.
WHAT'S IT TO YA!?
Who said I was doing it for you?!
I'm staying morally strong for in my relationship with GOD!
I don't want to feel that guilt, that gut-twisting, heart-palpitating, uncomfortable guilt!
I kinda wanna stay away from it! And I want my relationship with God to stay clean, not rocky.
But why can't I feel as though that's what's going on with my worship? Why can' t I block out the attention I'd be getting, (which I know, if someone lifts up their hands in worhsip, I look and then turn away cause I KNOW it's between them and God! Why I think it's different, I'll never know!)
Am I being shallow? Is this just how I worship? Maybe so. This hurts to say, but am I focusing on 'them' instead of God?
What's your thoughts?
Sorry for the rant, but I'm a little peeved about it right now. No particular reason except that I'm just confued I suppose.
I don't think it's wrong to feel uncomfortable raising your hands in church. I grew up in a church that made us feel guilty if we didn't show outward signs of worship. Now, I go to a very conservative Lutheran church, in which outwards showiness is discouraged. To my surprise, I discovered that they will not even clap for somebody who gives a performance (such as signing) because the focus should never be on man, but on God.
ReplyDeleteI don't think either church is exactly right or wrong. But you should follow the holy spirit's prompting in your worship.
Wow!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Arabella!
That's very encouraging.